Resilience in The Ordinary
The daily mundane things that many parents protect their kids from are exactly what they need to build confidence and resilience.
(Photo: My oldest son with one of his first debate team wins. He lost nearly all his debates for two years straight, and then started winning them all in his junior year. Later, he was recognized as an All-American for his debate skills. Two years of losing before a single win…shows you building skill takes time!)
A friend of mine in Lisbon grew up wealthy, then his family lost it all.
He told me when he went to college, he didn’t even know how to do his own laundry or even make a sandwich!
Nannies raised him, and his parents sheltered him from the real world until the real world punched him in the face one day.
“I wished my parents had let me do more.”, he said to me over coffee in Lisbon.
This happens more than you would think and is not tied to income bracket. I see so many well-meaning parents shielding their kids from the smallest of things.
Ordering their own food or talking to adults
Paying for something at the store on their own
Walking up to a coach or teacher to ask a question
Handling minor conflicts with friends or siblings
Doing chores without a parent redoing them
Getting frustrated or bored and working through it
Failing at something they care about
Waiting for their turn or dealing with delays
Navigating minor problems without parental intervention
Taking small, safe physical risks
Like trees need the stress of wind to grow strong roots, these are a few examples of the ordinary, everyday magic kids desperately need to build confidence and resilience.
Remember that the next time you feel like it’s easier (or safer) to do it for them.
